Thursday, December 02, 2010

An Angsty Homeschooling Day

Yesterday was one of those days in which I felt pulled in seventeen directions even though I have only three children and the same number of students.

Maybe it was the fact that they are my children and my students.

Maybe it was the glitter pinecone project unfolding with Ramona while Anne-with-an-e was working on ACT prep math problems, while Betsy Ray was revising a paragraph in an essay about education. Maybe it was my writing projects in progress, or my unfinished Christmas shopping. Maybe it was the pressure to remain the "No Panic Lady."

Could it have been the fact that I've never made glazed carrots (I know, I know, I'm hopeless but no one around here has ever liked cooked carrots) and they were on the menu for last night?

Perhaps it was that I hated Math when I was in high school and I was having flashbacks.

Or it could have been Craft Anxiety.

Or maybe it was the fact that the washing machine leaked again and I had the image in my mind of the grumpy repairman giving me that look that he always gives me. It's the look that says, "How could you treat an appliance this way? If you were a better owner, this would never have happened. Some people just can't be trusted to operate precious machinery."

Whatever it was, I remember having the thought, "Should I really be homeschooling? Can I really give these amazing, talented, fabulous children all that they need? Should I send them all off to school? Would school serve them better? And I could just drink endless coffee and write all day?"

(Okay, so the endless coffee wouldn't be anything new .... )

But here's the thing. I would never make a decision about homeschooling when I'm having an angsty day. I usually don't even post about it, not when I'm in the moment, because I know it will pass.

And yesterday, it occurred to me that considering giving up homeschooling when I'm having a bad day is sort of like planning my funeral as I'm wretching over the toilet. It's true that I'm always convinced I'm actually going to die of stomach flu. But I never do. I always return to health.

Today is so much better. Today I'm in the mental equivalent of nibbling Saltines and sipping 7-up, and offering you a wan smile that says, "I'm fine, really. It was just the flu."

Today will offer its own challenges, but we'll face them. Vitamins, echinacea, Germ-X, prayer, confession ... You do what you have to do to bounce back and stay healthy.


Updated to note:

The math was slogged through and then she got an A+ on her Spanish assignment, so huzzah. The education essay is coming along well and -- glitter? Well, when all's said and done, I actually like glitter projects. Who doesn't need more sparkle in her day?  Glitter is usually just the thing to remind me of what's really important.


Faith said...

Glad you bounced back. I had a bit of anxiety attack the other week. I was sitting around a bunch of women who all did Seton! My palms were getting sweaty and I felt myself getting smaller and smaller. The incredibly shrinking unschooly mom. . .. . .

I believe I had to eat ice cream in order to feel better.

Sue said...

The next time I'm having an angsty homeschooling day (because you know we all have them), I am definitely going to remember this:

"And yesterday, it occurred to me that considering giving up homeschooling when I'm having a bad day is sort of like planning my funeral as I'm wretching over the toilet."


Pass the 7-up.

Karen E. said...

Sue, it's earthy but to-the-point, no? :) You're right -- we all have those days!

Faith, unshrink! You and your kids are great!