On Relevant Radio tomorrow morning at 6 a.m.

I'll be talking to John Harper on Morning Air Tuesday, April 11, at 6 a.m. central time. We'll be talking about Holy Week, and "The Triduum: Kidterrupted." 

Go here to find out what we mean. 

Five Reasons Lent is Hard on INFJs

ImageChef.com

Earlier this month, my friend Tamara pointed me to Britt Echtenkamp's "What You Should Give Up for Lent, Based on Your Personality Type." It was a fun post, with a quick rundown of the various personality types, a la Myers-Briggs, and related suggestions for Lenten sacrifices.

Anyone who knows me knows I love this kind of stuff. I like taking personality tests, love Art and Laraine Bennett's book, The Temperament God Gave You, and enjoy puzzling out who's what, why we interact the way we do, and how to improve communication and understanding.

No matter which personality test I take (here's a relatively quick one), I always end up as an INFJ, or in temperament tests, Melancholic/Phlegmatic.

Here's a rundown on INFJs. No wonder I always feel weird -- we're 1% of the population.

The above-linked test calls an INFJ "The Advocate." Our life strategy (how we approach situations and achieve goals) is "constant improvement."

Constant improvement.

Maybe you can see where this is going.

INFJs are idealistic. If our approach to life is "constant improvement" it's not surprising we're busy all year. We're constantly analyzing our lives and figuring out what we can and should do differently. We can wear ourselves out with our probing, analyses, plans, and projects. Some years, by the time Lent rolls around, I'm just tired of working on myself. I've been doing it for months, and I'm ready for a break from my idealism.

Yes, Mother Church is a wise, holy, smart mother. She designates certain times of the year to help me with the ebb of flow of all things -- fasting and feasting, prayer, almsgiving, seasons of life. The liturgical year is a little bit of mad genius, the ideal structure for a human life, and I love it.

But INFJs, whose idealism can be a weakness rather than a strength, are occasionally out of sync with mom. When you've been tackling the idealism thing 24/7, chances are that Lent sometimes hits at a terrific time when you're on a roll ("Improving! Looking forward to doing more! Bring it on!"), but other years? You're so sick of yourself you want to scream.

That said, here are the Top Five Reasons Lent is Hard for INFJs:

5. You have lofty ideals about minimalist living. You've spent the last twelve months decluttering and simplifying your life. There's not enough stuff left in your tiny house to dispose of in steadily-moving-bags over forty days. But instead of being pleased by the progress you've made, you feel like a loser because you can't join in the wonderful, idealistic thing everyone else is doing.

4. INFJs tend to zero in on injustice and inequity in the world. Since you worry every day about how many people are starving around the globe, you've worked hard on eating more simply, on sharing with your family what you've learned about planet-friendly foods and methods of growing them. You've exhaustively researched where to buy certain foods,  and you often eat simple meals in solidarity with the poor around the world. But instead of feeling pleased by the progress you've made, you feel like a loser because you're still, by the standards of most of the world, a rich American, and therefore, some kind of fake.

3. This has nothing to do with being an INFJ, but you already do meatless Fridays all year. "Giving up" meat every Friday in Lent is not a challenge, it's a habit. But (here comes the INFJ part) instead of being thankful for the grace to make that small sacrifice year-round and offer it as a little prayer every week, you feel like a loser because "the Friday thing in Lent" is too easy. Therefore, you are a fake. You feel a desperate need to come up with several torturous things to do on Fridays in Lent. And on lots of other days in Lent, too.

2. You have so many faults. This, of course, is why you are in need of constant improvement, and why you're constantly conducting an assessment of your spiritual life. Lent, you tell yourself, is the perfect time to get even tougher on yourself. Therefore, for Lent, you should give up every single pleasure you've ever known so that you may emerge at the end of these forty days a saint. Right? Except you know that you're going to fall down, and you really don't want to give up coffee this year (because your family begged you to never do that again.) Obviously you are a slothful loser who is destined to spend gobs of time purgatory.

1. INFJs are sensitive and are highly concerned with how everyone else is feeling during Lent. You will be quick to tell others that they should pray about what's right for them this Lent, that the Lord will guide them in their fasting, prayer, and almsgiving, that what's right for one person this year isn't necessarily right for another. You will pat yourself on the back for giving such sound, sensitive, spiritually uplifting advice to your friends. Then you will wonder if it was the right advice. Was it too lenient? Too rigid? Have you damaged the soul of your best friend? Clearly, you are a loser who will never live up to her own hypocritical ideals.

~~~~~

Every personality type has strengths and weaknesses. This Lent, just acknowledge them. Stand up in front of God (and maybe more importantly, in front of yourself), and say, "I'm a ridiculous mess, Lord. Help me." And He will. Every year, whether I'm primed for more "constant improvement" or sick to death of trying so hard, I know He'll take the reins and teach me something. And it will usually culminate in posting something like this (from last year) on Facebook:

Feeling so incredibly happy and humbled and blessed this morning. Beautiful Easter Vigil last night and, as always, I cried during the baptisms, receptions, and confirmations, remembering where Atticus and I came from, and where we are now. When the priest (to those being received into the Church) spoke the words, "His loving kindness has led you here," I almost lost it. I could hear the voice of the priest who received Atticus into the Church, saying the same words 15 years ago.

~~~~~ 

His loving kindness has led me here.

I've only recently realized that when people ask me, "What prompted you to go on this quest for Truth that landed you in the Catholic Church?" I should simply say, "I'm an INFJ. I guess I never stood a chance."

Living Differently for Lent

Photo courtesy of Free Images 

Every year, it's the same thing: "What am I going to do for forty days?"

One year I wrote a letter to Lent.

Another year, I made a Top Ten List of things to consider giving up.

And I've shared my monstrously long post about Lenten ideas, activities to do with young children, etc., more times than I can count.

How about this year?

In addition to reliving that old letter and adopting some stuff from that Top Ten list, I'm introducing you to Living Differently.

It's a new website/project/collection/thing of beauty from Alicia Van Hecke, a fellow homeschooling mom and the genius behind Love 2 Learn: Favorite Resources for Catholic Homeschoolers.

Alicia and I are very much in sync in our approaches to sharing the faith. It's been fun to see her new site launch and unfold just as You Can Share the Faith is being published, because one would almost think we'd been working on these projects in tandem. (We haven't, but that's how sympatico we are.) We employ the same vocabulary (uncannily at times) as we talk about similar issues and approaches, about engaging the culture, about reaching out a person at a time, and about nurturing one's own faith and the faith life of the family.

Alicia sums it up this way, on the Intro page of Living Differently:

What I’d like to offer here is a kind of guide, especially for parents and their families, to cultivating ideas, attitudes, and spirituality in their own hearts and in those of their children, that will prepare them for this great task that we are all called to do – to go and make disciples of all nations.

We are so much on the same page that Alicia asked if she could give away a copy of You Can Share the Faith, and I told her I couldn't wait to help spread the word about Living Differently.

So that's what I'm doing at the end of this busy Ash Wednesday. I'm throwing out one more Lenten idea for you, just in case you haven't figured out what you want to do from that Top Ten list.

Here's the idea: Read and pray about one nugget per day from Living Differently. There's more than enough there for 40 days, and I think once you start digging in, you'll want to keep going well beyond Lent. You can start in the sidebar on the left, and work your way through the riches that Alicia is curating.

I'll leave you with my choice of reading for today, from the page, "Be Generous."

I wish you a fruitful forty days in the desert.

P.S. I almost forgot! It's been a long, busy Ash Wednesday. :) Here is the link to Alicia's giveaway of You Can Share the Faith.