Monday, May 31, 2010

How to Teach Your Cat to Wake You Up at 6 a.m.

1. Get a dog.

2. Be sure to get the kind of dog that favors cat food.

3. Fail to grasp any connection between step 2 and every step thereafter.

4. Get annoyed at cat for chewing on a box in your room at 6 a.m. Get up.

5. Notice cat's bowl is empty. Feed cat.

6. Repeat steps 4 and 5 for several days, substituting electrical cord, book, sandal, and dresser for box.

7. Tell sweet dog No when she begins to eat cat's food. Look at her hangdog expression with affection.

8. Think about how poor cat's bowl is empty all the time and that he must wake you up in order to get a satisfying meal. 

9. Realize that you have successfully trained a cat to be your alarm clock.

10. Wonder how cat will feel about a leash.


Anonymous said...

Oh dear! My Sammy-cat tends to wake me by chewing too - on my *nose*!

Lindsay said...

My cat pats me on the face -- oh dear, what about those claws? And you don't need a dog -- just teach the other cat to spit up hairballs into the cat dish. And the big question -- 6 a.m. is kind of useful, but how to get him to stop being an alarm clock at 2, 3, 4, and 5 a.m?