Dishing on the Next Food Network Star

Do you watch The Next Food Network Star?

Let me start by admitting that it's contrived and the challenges are ridiculous. But, this year, I promised my daughters that I would stop saying such things as, "Oh, that's just silly! If she had her own show, she would never be put in that position! That's not fair!" (I'm big on justice, and normally not so big on so-called reality shows.)

But.

I love watching this show. Last year, it became a family event, and so it goes this year (although, I've gotta say this: they need to cut the innuendo off right now ... this is supposed to be a G-rated show.)

Okay, so, here's our take so far:

Week One: We felt bad for poor Jen. Yes, her green beans were dull, and she was a wee bit Barbie-ish, but it must be awful to be the first one to go. Ouch.

Week Two: Good-bye, Brett, and good riddance. You were a creep to Mommy Melissa. Enough said.

Week Three: Eddie, if you'd said one more word about your girlfriend and the night you had the apartment to yourselves, I would have applied my TV smacking skills to your head. That presentation was painful to watch, as were your mixed metaphors about recipes, foundations, hands and symphonies. Go fix your hair.

Last night, Week Four: We weren't surprised to see Teddy go. He should've been sent packing along with Eddie the previous week. His blatant lie about the dismal dessert that night was embarrassing to see (although, uh, Debbie? Questioning his integrity? After your Week One debacle during which you failed to purchase team members needed ingredients? Is this the pot calling the kettle black, hmmm?)

We were afraid that last night's DLT (Duck, Lettuce and Tomato sandwich) had saved Teddy, and would be the cause of Katie's demise, but we were pleased to be wrong. Especially since Teddy consulted crib notes on his hand. Really, Teddy? Really?

Our take on the remaining six finalists:


Jeffrey: You own a real estate firm? I just noticed that last night. I thought you'd have a cool job, like antique bookstore owner or Karate sensei or spiritual guru to guys with cool hair (not guys who think they have cool hair, like Eddie.) We felt sorry for you about the lobster. Those inadequate burners were not your fault. You're in our top three (four, if you count Katie, but we're afraid she'll go next week.)

Michael: Michael, Michael, Michael -- you seem like a really nice guy, and we know you have the talent. And we know you felt really bad when you walloped Debbie with that pan. Yikes. But, you're camera-shy (or camera-paralyzed, or just camera-worried) and that just doesn't work on TV.

Jamika: We just love to say your name. Ja-MEE-ka. You have a beautiful screen presence, and we think you could do this! We have not a single mean thing to say about you.

Katie: We like you, too! But, you have to resist talking about the health benefits of your food, and you've gotta cook it all the way through.

Debbie: We do not share Adam Gertler's crush on you (though we love you, Adam. You were one of our top picks last year.) You have a lot of talent, but we're still a little concerned about the integrity department. Didn't you milk that wallop on the cheek just a little too much?

Melissa: We're also rooting for the mommy of four! She personifies this quote about "ordinary" housewives. There is nothing ordinary about Melissa, who also happens to remind me of one of my best friends in the world, Heather, so I'm biased.

Whew. That was fun.

We now return to our regularly scheduled lack of gossip.