Blogging, breaks and mother guilt

I've been on vacation from a lot of things, including blogging.

Christmas break is like that.

There's been a lot going on: the kids had a great time at the birthday party of a friend and had an equally great time at a church youth group party, which included going to see National Treasure 2. They went sledding with Atticus and built gingerbread houses with me.

And I've fit in a fair amount of reading (and will be back later with some notes on what I've read.)

But for now, I want to quickly address a little issue we homeschooling mothers sometimes struggle with:

Benign neglect.

Faith, at Dumb Ox Academy, got me thinking about this. Perhaps, a better phrase would be "masterly inactivity" (sounds a little nicer and more deliberate, doesn't it?)

We homeschooling moms are with our kids quite a bit. A lot. And that's a great thing. It's what allows us to pursue our vision of education, to grow closer to our kids, to share ideas and interests and fun.

But, it also sets us up, at times, for guilt. Because, when you're used to being with your kids all the time, you can start to feel a bit guilty if you're not with them, or if you're in the same house, but not fully "present" to them.

I maintain that a bit of masterly inactivity and benign neglect are a good thing.

As I said in a comment to Faith:

As homeschooling moms, we are with our children nearly *all* the time. It’s okay to take periods (like Christmas break) to be “selfish” because it isn’t really selfishness. It’s recharge time. And we need it.

As your kids have shown you, they’ll be fine!

I tend to shoo my kids away fairly frequently during Christmas vacation, with a “Not now … I’m reading.”

Mothers need breaks, too. And, learning to entertain yourself without a plan, a schedule, or structure is a necessary life skill.

If you want, record it in your best education-ese on your list of homeschooling accomplishments for 2007:

"Children learned the value of independently chosen and executed pursuits."

Then lose the guilt.

It's Christmas break.

Now, go away.

I'm reading.

Poetry Friday: All kinds of chocolate under the tree

An original ditty about the last few days:




On the first day of Christmas my children gave to me
All kinds of chocolate under the tree.

On the second day of Christmas Ramona took from me
Two Lindor truffles
And a Reese's peanut butter tree.

On the third day of Christmas Ramona took from me
Three Russell Stovers
Two Lindor truffles
And a Reese's peanut butter tree.

On the fourth day of Christmas Ramona took from me
Four little Doves
Three Russell Stovers
Two Lindor truffles
And a Reese's peanut butter tree.

On the fifth day of Christmas you're bound to fi-i-i-ind me
Hidden in my room
with the la-a-a-st peanut butter tree.

When [the Magi] had departed, behold, the angel of the Lord appeared to Joseph in a dream and said, "Arise, take the young child and His mother, flee to Egypt, and stay there until I tell you; for Herod is going to search for the child to destroy Him."
When he arose, he took the young child and His mother by night and departed into Egypt. He stayed there until the death of Herod, that what the Lord had said through the prophet might be fulfilled, "Out of Egypt have I called My Son." When Herod realized that he had been made a fool of by the Magi, he became furious. He ordered the massacre of all the boys in Bethlehem and its vicinity two years and under, in accordance with the time he had ascertained from the Magi.

Then was fulfilled what had been said through Jeremiah the Prophet: "A voice was heard in Ramah, sobbing and loud lamentation; Rachel weeping for her children, and she would not be consoled, for they were no more." ~~ Matt. 2:13-18

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Today the Church honors the innocent children slaughtered at Herod's hand, the martyrs who died for Christ without knowing of Him in this life.

For a beautiful commentary, see today's reading at Universalis, from a sermon of St Quodvultdeus.

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And, today, I am praying for all the holy innocents everywhere who have died too soon ... for all the lost babies and their mourning mothers ... for all who, having been open to life, have suffered in seeing a life lost.

May you feel God's peace and comfort on this solemn but beautiful feast day.

May you feel the assurance that we will see our lost children again.

My tip for a peaceful Christmas

Remember the wise words of a five-year-old:

Last night, when I lamented that we'd been busy and had forgotten to do a couple of things I'd said we would do, I sighed, "Where do the days go?"

"To God," said Ramona. "He takes care of our days."

*****

May He take care of you and your days as we celebrate His coming.

A happy, holy and blessed Christmas to you all!

Are we a wee bit protective of our Advent chocolates?

Methinks the bungee cord speaks volumes.

Why call them Christmas cards?

I call ours "Epiphany cards" because they always go out sometime between Christmas and Epiphany. I sometimes intend for them to be Christmas cards, but it never happens.

This year, both Anne-with-an-e and Betsy want to write our Christmas letter, so this editor is patiently waiting.

I guess I should have assigned a strict deadline, eh?

On Holiness

A dear friend of mine, Fr. Joe, delivered this homily recently, in the wake of the Von Maur shootings in Omaha. It's a beautiful reflection on what God calls us to, no matter what happens.
In the wake of evil, sin, and suffering, we are continually called to holiness.

Thanks so much to Jeff, a police officer (and one of the first responders at Von Maur that day) for reproducing the entire text of Fr. Joe's homily. Our prayers continue for Jeff and everyone involved in any way in what happened on that day.

Fr. Joe's homily:

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"It Happened to Us"

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"911 Tapes Spell Out 6 Deadly Minutes"

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"The 8 Lives Taken"

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"The Footsteps of a Killer"

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These are the headlines from the paper this past week following Wednesday’s shooting at the Westroads.

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And then this morning we hear these words from the prophet Isaiah: "There shall be no harm or ruin on all my holy mountain; for the earth shall be filled with the knowledge of the Lord, as water covers the sea."

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So last week, "6 Deadly Minutes" and "8 Lives" — 9 including the killer — "Taken." But this morning, "There shall be no harm or ruin on all my holy mountain."
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Somehow, both are true.

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In the wake of last week’s tragedy I think we can find ourselves having a variety of responses. Some I believe are helpful, others not—and perhaps we find ourselves moving between them.

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Some that I believe are not helpful are:

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Minimizing the event—sort of pretending it didn’t happen—or since I didn’t know anyone personally, it doesn’t really affect me.

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The opposite, also not helpful—maximizing the event—beginning to live in fear—erroneously concluding that we are not ever safe.

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Another unhelpful response is to isolate the perpetrator or seek hatred or revenge on his family and friends—wishing evil upon them, instead of good.

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So what are some helpful responses?

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Reaching out beyond ourselves—connecting or re-connecting with family and friends.

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Showing compassion and generosity to the victims—offering our prayers and support.
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Returning to a sense of normalcy. For example, if shopping at Westroads is part of your Christmas routine, then return there, without fear.

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What is the best response? Well, this is the one that gets us from the headlines of the last week’s papers to the prophetic vision of Isaiah—from "6 Deadly Minutes" to a holy mountain where there is no harm or ruin. It is what will help us realize the Kingdom of God in its fullness and glory. And that is conversion of live and growth in holiness.
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The best response to an encounter with evil—to the ugliness of sin, such as we’ve rarely seen before—is holiness. There is no better remedy.

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That’s why the words of John the Baptist in our gospel this morning ring true throughout the centuries until our present day—"Repent" and "Prepare the way of the Lord."

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And so, my friends, if there are parts of our lives where we cling to selfishness, where we put other things ahead of our relationship to God, we are called to repent—to turn away from that sin and turn towards God—to discover anew His mercy and His peace, and the fullness of His plan for my life. The sacrament of reconciliation is a privileged place for this encounter, and one I certainly recommend during this Advent season.

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Last week reminded us that the world -- and if we’re honest, ourselves too -- have a long way to go to prepare for the coming of Christ. But the more we grow in holiness—and the more we share the gift of our faith and the peace and joy we have found in Christ—the closer our world will come to reflect that Kingdom.

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My brothers and sisters, let’s not forget the headlines of last week, but let’s not dwell on them obsessively either. A better place to focus our attention this Advent is on the words of the Prophet Isaiah: "There shall be no harm or ruin on all my holy mountain; for the earth shall be filled with the knowledge of the Lord, as water covers the sea."

Poetry Friday

Today's poem is chosen for no particular reason, other than a love of Yeats.



Have a lovely Poetry Friday! You can find the whole round-up at AmoXcalli today.


Aedh wishes for the Cloths of Heaven
by W. B. Yeats

Had I the heavens’ embroidered cloths,
Enwrought with golden and silver light,
The blue and the dim and the dark cloths
Of night and light and the half light,
I would spread the cloths under your feet:
But I, being poor, have only my dreams;
I have spread my dreams under your feet;
Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.

Is there a support group for that?

Ramona pulled her cup of milk from the refrigerator and, as she did so, spilled a little bit on the floor.

"Oh, Mommy!" she cried, "I spilled some milk!"

"That's okay," I said, grabbing a towel. "We'll just clean it up."

Then, as Ramona looked down at the floor to survey just how much how spilled, she tipped the rest of the cup and the rest of the milk went flying.

"Oh!" she said, looking up at me in surprise. "I was just startled by my drinking problem."

I'm so predictable

I wrote this in '05, my first year of blogging, and reran it last December. I'm rerunning it again, because that's part of what makes me so predictable. And, it's all still true. (Except the babysitter part. Our oldest is -- gasp! -- old enough to babysit now. And, it's not hard to keep Ramona happy during Mass now, either. But, the rest of it? Predictably true.)

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My husband and I have a holiday tradition. Every year, close to Christmas, we get a babysitter, go out for Chinese food, buy all the last-minute ...

** (WARNING: Santa spoiler ahead) **

... stocking stuffers and generally fall in love all over again -- with each other, with our children, and with the magic of Christmas. We talk about our days, about my parents and his, about holiday travel plans, about how we'll keep the youngest child happy and calm during the long Christmas Eve Mass. And we talk about how we can't believe how drastically our Christmases have changed over the years.

You see, when we married, we didn't want children. Children were nice enough for other people, but not for us. We didn't want the mess, the commitment, the responsibility. We were happy to be "child free" as opposed to "childless."

Then something happened. I became a Christian.

Oops. Short-circuit in the selfishness department. I began to long for a child. Soon, Atticus's heart caught up with mine in the procreation department, and we set forth to create a family. After some heartbreaking miscarriages, we had Anne. But only one child, Atticus said. One child is enough.

Then I became a Catholic.

Oops. Short-circuit in the openness to life department. We had Betsy. Several more heartbreaking miscarriages later, God awarded us with Ramona, and here we are. Falling in love again at Christmas time, and crazy, head-over-heels in love with our children.

And all because of of a Child born in Bethlehem two thousand years ago. Had Mary said, "No, thank you, I'd like to remain child-free," I would be childless. There would have been no conversion, no short-circuit, and most certainly, no joy. How does one thank God for that?

I always seem to do it in the same old, tired way.

I cry.

May you, too, shed some tears of ineffable gratitude this Christmas.

Instead of visiting friends ...

... we are trapped in the house.

Betsy felt ill this morning and consequently our plans with two different friends had to be canceled.

Are you stuck inside, too?

Here are a few online places to visit:

A page full of shape-book patterns. Ramona and I might make a mitten book.

Penguin activities

Trim a Jan Brett Christmas Tree

Trim a Jan Brett Gingerbread House

Go to FreeRice.com ... again ....

Visit the World of Peter Rabbit (thank, Aunt Lisa)

Visit Hoops and YoYo (thanks, Jennifer, for introducing us) ... you don't need to send an e-card ... they just make us laugh. I especially love this one. I especially love Coffee Jitters.

One more idea for this week

Visit someone you don't often see.

Make the time for someone you love but have fallen out of touch with.

Have an Advent tea.

Or coffee.

Call a friend.

Remember that Jesus came to the little, the lowly, and the humble ... Ask for littleness, lowliness, and humility.

Feel and see the blessings around you in this last full week of Advent.

I said "No."

Ramona:

"Mommy, can you just give me a lit candle to walk around the house with?"

What we've been up to

Shipping things

Decorating the tree

Attending Ramona's tea parties

Snuggling

Celebrating St. Lucia

Visiting Santa

I'm still fighting "mouse shoulder" (or whatever it is) so I'm still limiting my computer time. I may have to actually go see a doctor if I wish to regain my full-steam online blathering. Drat.

In the meantime, I hope to get going on our O Antiphon House going today. Visit O Night Divine for details.

Poetry Friday

The haiku I wrote this morning combines the ineffable with the inevitable.

A Christmas Haiku

Christmas on its way
Such a sublime, holy day
But today: I ship


Find the whole Poetry Friday Round-up at The Miss Rumphius Effect.

More giveaways! More giveaways!

Maureen Wittman is giving books away! Visit Maureen here for a chance to enter for today's book, and go here for an explanation of the whole thing, including the fact that this contest has become a month-long gig.

Maureen has so many fans and supporters that she has enough books to keep this thing going for weeks, so get over there and win something wonderful!

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Drop by Cay's Cajun Cottage for today's BookWalk, the last one before Christmas.

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Nancy Brown is giving away a free CD with every purchase of her book, The Mystery of Harry Potter: A Catholic Family Guide.

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Melissa Wiley has some giveaways coming up, so keep an eye on her.

She's right, you know

Danielle Bean very kindly mentioned that you could come here to find the St. Lucia bread recipe that we know and love. And, I just want to reiterate what Danielle said in her encouragement about making this bread:

Do not be intimidated by this yeast dough recipe.

Listen to me: Step away from the fear!

I used to think I was incapable of anything involving yeast. But, honestly, you really can't mess this up. You'd have to light the yeast on fire to ruin this bread. It's easy. This is me ... not-very-domestic-Karen speaking.

You can do this.

What made me laugh today was that Danielle accused herself of being too lazy to post the recipe, but she sweetly overlooked the fact that I didn't really post it again ... I just linked to last year's post.

Enjoy it! And, if you don't get around to enjoying it until next week, just call it something else. "December 18th Bread" has a distinctive ring, I think.

Ramona expands on the chocolate theme

Remember her idea to frost the fudge?

Today's gem:

"Mommy! I have a new idea for fudge. You know chocolate chips? Those things we put in cookies? We should put some of those in the fudge!"

Suzanne, aka St. Nicholas

Suzanne, at Blessed Among Men, is running a contest for a very worthy cause!

Make a donation for "Mary", a mom in need this Christmas, and you'll have a chance to win a tower of coffee or chocolate (there was something else from which to choose, too, but it escaped my attention. I was looking at the coffee and the chocolate.)

Visit Suzanne here to see the details. Good luck to all, and may Mary and her children have a blessed Christmas.

Preparing for St. Lucia Day

We always read this book:

Last year we made these wreaths:

We always make this bread:

More details, including the recipe, are here.

And, don't forget to check out O Night Divine for more ideas and history.

Our Lady of Guadalupe

The feast is today!

Read more here, at Catholic Culture.

I have a great love for Our Lady of Guadalupe, which stems especially from the incidents recounted in this essay.

Have a blessed feast!

Sleepy Ramona

Last night, as I was putting her to bed, Ramona said:

"You can just call me the Sleep Meister."

Something I love about December and something I don't

In an effort to spare my mouse arm, I'm posting something I first posted two years ago:

As Christmas approaches, the whole world (or, at least my whole tiny world in our tiny town) gets caught up in the preparations. People chatter about decorating trees, baking cookies, giving gifts. I hear "Merry Christmas" everywhere and radio stations that normally shy away from Jesus and His pesky ways play songs about the Savior. On TV, Linus Van Pelt announces to the whole world what Christmas is all about.

It's as if, for awhile, the world shares one faith.

It stirs me to imagine what it would be like to live in a world that truly lived and acted as the Body of Christ, a world that shared one vision and had one goal: to see that Savior that Linus tells us about.

Then, of course, it all comes to an abrupt halt on December 26th (this is the part I don't love ....) While my family and I are celebrating via the liturgical calendar, which tells us that Christmas begins on December 25th, is celebrated for an octave and that the Christmas season marches officially on until the Feast of the Presentation (Feb. 2), while we're belting out Christmas carols, celebrating the birth of Jesus in high style, the rest of the world is saying it's over. We're still saying "Merry Christmas" when others have switched to "Happy New Year." We count the Twelve Days of Christmas and look forward to the Feast of the Epiphany in a world that thinks the Twelve Days of Christmas must mean the final countdown of shopping days before the 25th.
But, we don't let any of that put a damper on our celebrations. Jesus and His birthday are worth days and days of celebration, and He's worth looking like an out-of-sync moron in the eyes of the world. And fortunately, we're raising kids who don't mind being out-of-sync morons (at least not so far) so they happily celebrate right along with us.

And we're all thankful that, at least for a little while, the world cared about what Linus Van Pelt had to say.

If I happen to owe you an email ...

... I hope to get to it soon.

I spent all day yesterday nursing a sore shoulder/back/neck.

On the mend now, and hoping to get my mouse arm going again soon ....

That's my chocolate girl

Atticus made fudge for us last night.

This morning, Ramona said, "Mommy! I have a new idea for fudge. We should try putting chocolate frosting on it."

How literature teaches us beautiful things

Last year at this time, I posted this, about Ramona and one of our Advent books:

Yesterday, I told Ramona, "We get to go to Mass, to celebrate Mary's Immaculate Conception!"
She replied, "Oh, yes! Mary -- the ship! The rose!"
And I realized that she was recalling the images of Mary from Barbara Helen Berger's lovely book, The Donkey's Dream, which introduces children to traditional imagery for the Blessed Virgin.
For more about the imagery (a city, a ship, a fountain, a rose, a lady full of heaven) in this exquisitely illustrated book, see this link at the author's website.
For more indepth information, see this excellent article from Ignatius Insight.

This year, The Donkey's Dream is still one of Ramona's favorite Advent books. She has asked for it nearly every day. And, I love to read it to her, because I dearly love this book, too. It is beautiful and magical. The illustrations are celestial. It teaches, as all good literature does, without appearing to teach a thing.

Literature allows us to absorb "lessons" (which, to my mind, really means just learning how to live) by way of beauty and immersion, pondering and talking.

Immerse yourself in beautiful picture books and other literature this Advent, and see if the "lessons" don't stick far better than anything over which your kids will be tested.

Solemnity of the Immaculate Conception of Mary

Today is the Solemnity of the Immaculate Conception of Mary.
See the excellent Catholic Encyclopedia entry here.

Go here to see Catholic Culture's article and here for their activities and ideas for observing the day.

This gorgeous painting is by our artist of the month, Bartolome Esteban Murillo. (See some of the other beautiful images of the Blessed Mother, which we've been taking a look at, here, here, here.)

Have a blessed feast day!

Poetry Friday

Atticus wants to know what I would like to have for Christmas.

There is always a long list of books, of course. And I've also been meandering through Lesley's (and I have Lissa to thank for introducing me) Small Meadow Press, which is like taking a quiet stroll through another time and place. I want my home to feel like that time and place, but that would require a lot of new things. (To be brutally honest, it might require razing the house and starting from scratch.) I may have to be content with small touches here and there: splashes of beauty, peaceful reminders, simple and lovely embellishments.

The list of things I covet is long. Which seems contrary and wrong, but there you have it.

Today, I'll share one of those things with you. Go here to see what Lesley created from this snippet of Elizabeth Barrett Browning:

And how I felt it beat
under my pillow
in the morning's dark.
An hour before the sun
would let me read!
My books!

And, so, this meandering little Poetry Friday post is about nothing and about many things ...

It's about Browning's keen understanding that to love a book is to enter into real intimacy.

It's about one woman's ability to envision and create things that transform a home into a haven, or a note to a friend into a keepsake. (I don't mean for this to become a commercial ... I just find Small Meadow creations to be perfectly enchanting. Perhaps I am under some kind of spell.)

It's about the spell that beauty casts.

It's about pondering what it means that encountering peaceful, lovely things can cast such a spell.

And it's about Christmas -- peaceful, lovely Christmas -- which isn't about making long lists but is about the most peaceful and sublime Gift of my life.

Happy Poetry Friday.

And, Atticus, I'll have that list for you soon.

(The entire Poetry Friday round-up can be found here at Becky's Book Reviews.)

Ramona and snow

It's a snow day here today!

Atticus is home, making hamburger soup and homemade bread for dinner.

Betsy and Ramona have been outside to play several times, and therefore a good chunk of my day has been spent piling things on Ramona and later pulling them off.

This morning, as I was still wrestling with the internet (we're now fully back, thank you!) and taking an overly long time to attend to Ramona's request to help her find the right pants to wear outside, she finally yelled from the other room, "If you do not come to help me soon, I shall go mad!"

I did, and she didn't.

He always brings socks!

And darned cute ones, too.

Ramona's monkey socks are a little too big but she loves them.

The girls have also been enjoying chocolate coins and candy canes today, and Ramona is looking forward to painting a small, wooden Christmas ornament.

Happy Feast of St. Nicholas!

A Telegram from me

Wishing to communicate ... STOP

Internet access spotty tonight ... STOP

Getting frustrated ... STOP

Complaining? Me? ... STOP

I will.

Right now.

Hope to be back tomorrow.

FreeRice.com

I wish I could remember where I recently heard about FreeRice.com ....

I may have no idea where I heard about it, but I do know that my kids are loving it.

It's a vocabulary quiz and an easy way to donate food to hungry people. The totals are impressive. The way it works is explained here.

The addiction level is high.

St. Nicholas day is fast approaching!

We love to celebrate this feast day. On St. Nicholas Eve, the children leave their shoes outside their bedroom doors. In the morning they find chocolate coins, and a few small gifts (fun socks, a craft, a Christmas ornament ... St. Nick varies his routine.)

On the feast day, we read books and do activities centered on the saint and on his connection to Christ and Christmas. It's become a tradition to watch Nicholas, the Boy Who Became Santa.

And, my absolute favorite St. Nicholas resource is the St. Nicholas Center, loaded with fun ideas, activities and recipes. And, this year, they even have instructions for a St. Nicholas spoon saint, ala Alice Gunther, from Cottage Blessings!

(Clip art above courtesy of Two Hearts Design.)

Visit Donna-Marie to enter

Donna-Marie is having a contest.

She's giving away a copy of her beautiful book, Prayerfully Expecting.

Details are here. Hurry! A winner will be chosen next week, on the Feast of Our Lady of Guadalupe, December 12th.

Prayers around the Advent Wreath

In the comments section of the Christmas Mosaic post, Danae asked about prayers to accompany the Advent wreath.

I like to use prayers from Prayers and Customs of Advent and Christmas.

This page has prayers for the beginning of Advent, along with short daily prayers for each week.

This page has some nice prayers for very young children.

Some short Advent meditations are here.

A few recipes are here.

All of the prayers on this site are short and easy for families to use.

When we light the candles on the Advent wreath each night, we divide up the "duties" (which are seen by the kids as fun and privilege, thus the fighting over them which resulted in the division of duty.)

One child gets to light the candle, one reads the prayer, and one gets to snuff out the candle at the end of the meal (the antique candle snuffer we use makes this especially attractive.) This way, everyone is involved, duties rotate and everyone is happy. Some nights, though, everyone reeeeeally wants to light a candle, or everyone reeeeeally wants to snuff a candle out. So, sometimes, I must admit, we relight candles just for the fun of it, and snuff them out again.

Because we're easily amused, I guess.

Have fun. Because, as much as Advent is about spiritual preparation, it should be about fun with your family, too.

The First Sunday of Advent: The Jesus Stocking

The Jesus stocking is something I started when Anne-with-an-e was very young. I was looking for ways to keep our Christmas focused on Jesus rather than all the (delightful and fun though they are) other trappings of the holiday. It's a simple stocking and I used fabric paint to add His name. I sometimes think I should upgrade it to something worthy of our King, but on the other hand, I think perhaps He's pleased with the simplicity.

What goes in the Jesus stocking? It can be whatever you like. We've done it a couple of different ways.

Like the Thanksgiving Tree, each night at dinner we name something for which we're thankful, record it on a small piece of paper, and add it to the stocking. On Christmas day, it's fun to read all the blessings we've counted during Advent, from the littlest things (such as a tea party with Tigger), to grown-up concerns (such as being thankful that the car broke down in our driveway instead of twenty miles from home on a sub-zero day), to every-day-but-enormous joys (such as friendship, family and faith.) Here are some samples from years past:


Another idea for the Jesus stocking is to use it for corporal and spiritual works of mercy. Many of us are familiar with the idea of setting up a manger for baby Jesus and filling it with soft hay (we use yarn) in preparation for Christmas day. The idea for the Jesus stocking is similar. Corporal and spiritual works of mercy, small sacrifices, kindnesses and prayers are recorded and dropped in the stocking as gifts for Jesus. The children are encouraged to fill Jesus's stocking with gifts throughout Advent.

For much of Advent, the Jesus stocking will be the only one hanging on the mantle (the small tree to the right is our Jesse Tree):


to remind us that He is at the center of the celebration to which we look forward with such joy.

Surrounded by our favorite Advent books and calendars, this place of honor for the King is a constant reminder that what we anticipate in this season of hope is not a gift, but the Gift: our Lord and Savior.