Guest Post and a Giveaway: The Infertility Companion for Catholics

Updated again, May 11, 2012: 

The original winner, Amy, my hasn't contacted me, and did not leave an email address. 

So, I've picked a second winner: cavyladyrae, you also won a book! 

(Amy, I still have your book here, too, and will send it as soon as you send me a mailing address.) 

The winner of the book is Amy. 

Please contact me with your mailing address! 

Carmen Santamaría and Angelique Ruhi-López have written a beautiful, comprehensive, faithful, and much needed new book, The Infertility Companion for Catholics: Spiritual and Practical Support for Couples. 

(See the end of this post for details on how to win
a copy of the book.)

Although I never experienced the kind of infertility that Carmen and Angelique did, I vividly remember the pain my sister went through when she was unable to have children. I know that her grief was profound; I know that some things about her journey remain difficult to this day. So, although I do not know exactly what my sister felt, and she does not know exactly what I experienced with my miscarriages, we have always been there for each other, doing our best to support, to listen, to help one another, and to pray for each other.

Angelique and Carmen get that. I heartily agree with their assertion that miscarriage and infertility are related crosses, and I'm so glad they included a chapter on miscarriage in their book (a beautiful and helpful chapter it is, too.) Those of us who have experienced miscarriage, infertility, or both, share the carrying of a difficult cross --one that is at the intimate center of our marriages and our lives.

It's a privilege to have Carmen and Angelique here today with a guest post. And many thanks to them, too, for helping spread the word about After Miscarriage, as well offering a number of excellent resources on their website for those who have lost children.

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Infertility after miscarriage

by Angelique Ruhi-López and Carmen Santamaría

Though neither of us has experienced a miscarriage firsthand we always knew our book needed to include a chapter on the subject because of its ties to infertility. 


Despite always knowing that miscarriages were a challenging cross to bear, we did not realize how much we would be changed by our research into this area. To hear of someone miscarrying feels different now that we have researched the subject and heard and read numerous firsthand accounts of couples who have experienced this terrible grief. Hopefully, we are more empathetic and compassionate to the losses that so many families face. By law, we are not mothers until we have birthed a child, but we know that we are mothers much earlier than that. From the moment we know we are pregnant, our lives begin to change and we are mothers. Miscarriage can be cruel and deafening. It seems as if God is rubbing salt in a wound, particularly when it is coupled with the prior experience of infertility. Miscarriage allows expectations to rise to a new high; a pregnancy has been achieved only to be taken away. Joy is drained from our bodies and worry and anxiety ensue.

Couples experiencing infertility, as well as those who have a miscarriage, experience sorrow, pain and grief. Though we heard women say that the loss of miscarriage stays with you always, they also shared that it is important to not allow the initial grief and sorrow to overtake us. These feelings are like a place we live or pass through but it’s important not to remain there. Just like we recently accompanied Jesus during Holy Week to Gethsemane, Calvary and Golgotha, they are all a part of our journeys, too, but where do they lead? They are part of our walk toward Easter and the Resurrection. Perhaps initially, there is the feeling of shock and numbness that reminds us of the silence and starkness of Jesus being laid in the tomb for three days. After a time, however, both the numbness and grief wear off and there is a gradual rebirth.

Miscarriage creates worry and anxiety, emotions that are all too familiar for those who have experienced infertility. A friend of ours recently had a miscarriage and as much as she knew that she and her husband wanted to have a second child, she was terrified of trying again for fear that the next pregnancy could also end in miscarriage. One important and helpful resource for facing this fear and sorrow is a book that our gracious blog host Karen Edmisten wrote, entitled, After Miscarriage: A Catholic Woman’s Companion to Healing and Hope. We hope you will check it out.

As women who experience these related crosses of infertility and miscarriage, we can be companions on our journeys and help remind one another that Christ has already borne the cross and has resurrected to give us hope and resurrect with Him.

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Carmen and Angelique are on a blog book tour through May 2 -- check out reviews, Q and A, and guest posts all around the blogosphere:  

And, for a chance to win a copy of The Infertility Companion for Catholics, just leave a comment on this post anytime through May 1st. I will draw one winner at random on the morning of May 2nd. 

Updated: 

I will also give away one copy of my book, After Miscarriage. To enter that drawing, please go to this post, and leave a comment there.