Friday, January 31, 2014

Poetry Friday: "Everyday I see or hear something that more or less kills me with delight...."


After a big plumbing problem (still not resolved, they're working on it) occurred at our house last weekend, I was stressed and depressed. But such things always make me sit up, look around, take stock. They make me grateful for everything in my life that does work -- my marriage, my family, my faith, my friends. As I tweeted the other day:

~~~~~
Celebrated our 30th anniversary dealing with a major plumbing issue. Atticus, there's no one else in the world I'd rather stress out with.

~~~~~ 

So, this Mary Oliver poem seems fitting for this week. Even when it feels like everything is going wrong, it's true: "Everyday I see or hear something that more or less kills me with delight...."

Mindful
by Mary Oliver

Everyday
I see or hear
something
that more or less

kills me
with delight,
that leaves me
like a needle

in the haystack
of light.
It was what I was born for —
to look, to listen,

to lose myself
inside this soft world —
to instruct myself
over and over

in joy,
....

(Read the whole poem here, at The Writer's Almanac.)


Tricia has the round up this week at The Miss Rumphius Effect.

Photo thanks to Stock.xchng

Thursday, January 30, 2014

Talking With a Friend About Kids and the Culture

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Spoiler Warning: 

If you haven't seen Frozen -- and I do not want to spoil it for you -- you may want to come back to this post at a later date. 

~~~~~

Another mom and I were recently emailing about all the influences on children that seem beyond our control. What's good for them? What's bad? What must be limited? What needn't be limited? How can we guide our kids through pop culture and help them become critical thinkers?

My daughters and I saw (and loved) Frozen, a movie that was part of my recent discussion with this mom. Other Mom and I were talking about how obsessed young children get with these movies, and she was wondering what effect certain things have on kids. For example, when a little girl hears Elsa sing,

No right, no wrong
no rules for me
I’m free

... does she take it to heart? Will she, too, think that being true to herself means slinking into a dress with a thigh-high slit and adding a little more wiggle to her walk? Or, will said little girl just be thinking, "Sparkles! Pretty! I want to build an ice castle, too!"

How much do kids internalize messages that are belted out by a beloved character? Can children sift through the chaff to get to the wheat? Do they know wheat from chaff, or is it all just glitter and a great hairdo to them?

With my friend's permission, here's what I wrote to her. This is a reconstruction of two emails and a short in-person discussion. I haven't polished it up, and I changed things only where a transition, etc., didn't make sense. And, wow, I use a lot of smileys when I email....  :) :)

Yes, I do know exactly what you mean, and you are doing the right thing. You are forming her as we speak, by navigating her through this process. The very fact that you are correcting things, pointing things out, giving her things to think about (even though her little five-year-old brain can't yet grasp all the implications)...you are forming her every minute. My girls used to get obsessed with the worst Disney role models -- of course they loved Ariel, who disobeys her father and acts like a spoiled brat and still gets everything she wants in the end. (Editor's note: And of course we still sang "Part of Your World" at the top of our lungs. And, you know what, sometimes disobedience based on conscience is called for. Was Ariel's dad being a bigot? That's worth talking about, isn't it?)  
So, yes, I think it's good that you worry a little, because that means you're viewing critically, and you're teaching your kids to view critically. Just remind yourself that it's a lifelong process -- we keep talking, talking, talking to them, helping them sort through everything our culture throws at them. Nagging them, really.  :) I guess I decided a long time ago that there were two choices -- shelter them from all of it, or guide the exposure, and let that guidance take the form of loads of discussion. But there's never just one discussion that settles it once and for all. Not only is it "never just one discussion" but it's not even just one discussion about one movie -- there are always multiple discussions about a particular movie, a character's choices, etc. And sometimes it wasn't even so much a back-and-forth discussion -- it was me pointing out things that the kids could (and probably did) overlook, helping them not to take a movie's secular message to heart, casting those things in the light of faith, helping the kids to think in those terms, you know? Even as young as four, five, six, etc. I used to, VERY often, say things like, "Well, in real life we wouldn't want to ... (fill in the blank), but he/she/it doesn't understand what it's like to be Catholic does he/she/it?" :)  Or, "In real life, we wouldn't want to show that much skin, but you're right, that's a very pretty dress that princess is wearing." :)
You know what I mean. We'll be fighting this fight our whole life, because our faith is counter-cultural, but I have found that it works out (at least so far) to do the "guided exposure" thing. Because there is so often some real beauty mixed in with messages that leave God out. I think it's important to point out that the beautiful parts do come from God and Truth, even if the person sending the message (composer, writer, singer, screenwriter, novelist, whatever) doesn't acknowledge God.
Keep doing what you're doing. It will pay off, I'm sure. You're a great model of faith for them, and you're a great mom.
And let's face it -- there's something powerful about that song. Let It Go appeals to the desire in all of us to fully be what we're called to be. But what we're called to be is open to a lot of interpretation. 
When you look at the whole of the movie, the very thing Elsa is celebrating in that song is actually the thing that's also destroying her kingdom, and she has to give up the isolation she's embracing in Let It Go in order to save others. The final message of the movie, too, has to do with sacrificing one's self as an act of true love. So overall I found it to be a very good movie --  flawed in some ways, as most things are, but good.*
I still say things to Ramona like, "Wait, Elsa just said there's no right and no wrong!" and she responds, "I know, Mom, I know. It's just a song." :)
Musicals do that to us -- they sweep us away. I guess I feel like that's part of the lesson, too, for my kids (and for me.) That just because something sweeps us away doesn't mean we interpret it to be all good, or the perfect message, etc. 
When Ramona and I talked more about Frozen, I asked her what she thought of the line, "Conceal, don't feel, don't let them know...." and she said, "Well, the trolls tell Elsa that she needs to learn to control her power, and her parents just tried to make her hide it and pretend it's not there. It's never good to keep secrets from people you love, so I think it's another case of bad Disney parenting." (Editor's note: I love that kid.) 
I think it's way better to worry a bit and address it and deal with it than it is to blindly accept everything the culture throws at us, as many people do. On the other hand, many people swing too far to the other end of the spectrum. Why does it have to be either, "Ban it all! Don't watch! Don't look!" or "It's just a movie! Lighten up! Nothing to talk about here!"

As is usually the case, for me anyway, the truest path lies somewhere in between, in the balance. 
Love,
Karen
~~~~~~~~~~


*I didn't mention this to my friend, but I absolutely loved the idea of turning the "love at first sight" thing on its head. I loved Kristof the moment he said to Anna, "Hang on, you mean to tell me you got engaged to someone you just met that day?" Oh, yeah. I shipped it then and there, and knew there was going to be something terribly wrong with Hans. And who doesn't love a snowman who is ready to melt for you? 

Monday, January 27, 2014

Day of the Little Way


Image Books let me know about an initiative that will focus on St. Therese and her Little Way.

Catholics everywhere are encouraged to chime in on Twitter and Vine on February 4th, sharing ways in which St. Therese has touched our lives.

You can read more about it here, at Image Books.

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(This image of St. Therese can be found at the St. Theresa Catholic Church website.)

Friday, January 24, 2014

Poetry Friday: When We Last Left Ramona and Her Poetry Project...

... she was hunting down Billy Collins (not in a stalker-ish way -- that's my beat -- but in an, "I have to find 'Snow'!" way.)

And, yes, Mary Lee was spot on (have you been dropping in at our house, Mary Lee? You know how we do things around here....) We listened to the music mentioned in the poem: Thelonious Monk's "Ruby, My Dear" and the Ronettes singing "Walking in the Rain" and George Thorogood (Billy didn't specify a tune, so I picked "Move It On Over.") We listened to Samuel Barber's "Adagio for Strings"and then we talked briefly about Jean-Paul Sartre, because you can't read a poem that mentions Being and Nothingness without making sure your child gets the reference, even if she is only eleven years old.

And since I'm finally getting over that cold/flu thing I had, we've forged ahead with Project Mommy's Daily Poem, as Ramona named it. We had an eclectic week around here, poetically speaking, and Ramona's hunts included the following:
And today, I'm highlighting a book that Ramona and I found a few years back and both fell in love with. After repeated library check-outs, we gave The Cuckoo's Haiku: and Other Birding Poems by Michael J. Rosen to Ramona for her seventh birthday (and I could have sworn that was ten minutes ago.)


I blogged about the beginning of our infatuation with this book here, and linked to an interview with Rosen at Seven Impossible Things Before Breakfast here. Here's another extended interview with the author in The Columbus Dispatch.

And this week for the Daily Poem, Ramona hunted down the following from The Cuckoo's Haiku:

hunkered, plumped sparrow
each feather pockets the heat 
a mitten-warmed fist 


Her self-assigned project continues to grow. We've decided to start a Poet Notebook, too. I'll keep you posted.

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The Poetry Friday round up is at A Teaching Life

Tuesday, January 21, 2014

The Books I Got for Christmas



It's an eclectic stack (adorned by a couple more of the coffee cups I got for Christmas -- thanks, dear friends.)

Working my way through the stack, in no particular order:


"My attention is always very fugitive." 

Flannery O'Connor's A Prayer Journal is a peek inside the mind of a young woman who harbors both a passionate wish to be a great writer and a deep desire to be what God wants her to be -- though she desperately hopes He wants her to be a great writer.

"Oh dear God I want to write a novel, a good novel. I want to do this for a good feeling & for a bad one. The bad one is uppermost. The psychologists say it is the natural one. Let me get away dear God from all things thus 'natural.' Help me to get what is more than natural into my work...."

The first half of this slender book is the transcribed journal, kept from 1946-47, when the O'Connor was at the University of Iowa. The second half is a photographic reproduction of the journal itself.

A Prayer Journal can be read it in a matter of minutes, but I will be savoring it for a long time to come.

~~~~~~~~~~

Switch gears much?

Mindy Kaling's Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? (And Other Concerns) was a gift from Betsy. She knows that I think Mindy Kaling is a minor genius, and I laughed my way through most of the book, then I spent the chapter called "Married People Need to Step It Up" going, "Awww, I hope she finds someone soon, she deserves it." For the record, Mindy, there are marriages like the one you aspire to -- Atticus and I are pals, and we can talk ad nauseum about boring things, and he did hook me on Breaking Bad, and yes, either of us would have been dead meat had we watched it without the other. I am going to add to your list that you should find a guy who cooks. I hit the jackpot there. I hope you do, too.

~~~~~~~~~~


You know how I love E.B. White. (Who doesn't love E.B. White? If you don't love E.B. White, you probably shouldn't be here. Back slowly away....) Atticus knows how I love E.B. White.

"Is this --" 
Mary and Robert Gallant smiled and nodded. "Fern and Avery's rope? Yes." 
"So it was real too."

The Story of Charlotte's Web: E. B. White's Eccentric Life in Nature and the Birth of an American Classic is delightful thus far. The author, Michael Sims, immersed himself in White's world and has given us a biography that leads us straight to the heart of Charlotte's Web.

I'm just now digging in to the eccentric, eclectic, electric fun of it, and I'm loving it. Thanks, Atticus.

~~~~~~~~~~




Spicy Thai Sweet Potato Stew from the Forks Over Knives cookbook?

Delish.

Wednesday, January 15, 2014

Bits and Pieces of Our Days

* We haven't done another  poetry scavenger hunt because this week it's my turn to be down for the count. (Cold? Flu? I don't know. I'm just calling it Blech.) Ramona is feeling good again, though, and that's grand because one of her best friends is in town, and the girls are inseparable when these visits happen. (Fun fact: I just plugged in "Chicago" to search my blog, and came up with a number of posts in which I mention my friend, Paula visiting. I'm so lucky that even though Paula, her husband, and their 11-year-old daughter moved away, they still have a grown daughter and some grandsons here in our town, so they come back regularly. Always a treat.)

* Downton Abbey. I watched. Did you watch? I'm so upset with them. Pal Lissa did a post that captures just about everything I wanted to say about it, and I commented over on her post, too. Feel free to chime in here or there if you want to share your reactions, too.

* Spent two hours (and my voice held up! Yay!) talking with the kind and lovely Barbara McGuigan on EWTN's The Good Fight on Saturday. We talked about Deathbed Conversions and Barbara shared an amazing story about the deathbed conversion of her own mother-in-law. You can find the audio of the program here.

* On Sunday, Betsy and Ramona wrapped up another youth choir musical. (I have blogged a lot about this annual musical over the years.) The choir put on What's Up, Zak? which was so cute, but touching, too. Really a sweet play. Betsy, for the third year in a row (and I guess ... her final year? She's a senior! Wah!) was once again on a team of directors who worked extremely hard with a group of about thirty kids ranging in age from 8-13. The teen directors handle everything: they cast the show, teach the kids the songs, create blocking and choreography, work with the kids on acting skills, create the sets, costumes, etc. They amaze me every year. Ramona had a speaking part as one of a duo of "Party Planners." She and her friend, Mary Clare, were properly sparkly and snooty. A delightful show all around.

Now you'll have to excuse me while I go hunt down another box of Kleenex.


Friday, January 10, 2014

Poetry Friday: Ramona and Billy Collins


Ramona started a new poetry program for herself this semester. She came to me on Sunday, with a homemade dry-erase board* (which is so pretty that I want her to make one for me!) and this is what it said:


She gave me the instructions for her assignment (or is it my assignment?): 

I am to choose one poem per day, and write the title on the board. I can tell her, generally, where in the house she might find the book, but then she has to hunt it down, read the poem, and then we will discuss it. 

Okay. So. It started off well. I chose a poem for her for Monday. Billy Collins. Nice start, eh? But then she was hit with her Cold-n-Cough 2.0, and the rest of the week went a little downhill from there. (Technically, we were "starting school" this week, but you know how that can go during cold/flu season....) 

Anyway, I promise to do better next week, once Ramona is better, and I'm better (I seem to have picked up her sore throat, which is not the best timing, given that I have a two-hour, live radio interview tomorrow.) But in the meantime, here is the first pick for Ramona's new poetry program. This is from Billy Collins's  Sailing Alone Around the Room

Snow
by Billy Collins 

I cannot help noticing how this slow Monk solo 
seems to go somehow
with the snow
that is coming down this morning, 

how the notes and the spaces accompany 
its easy falling 

(I can't find the poem in its entirety online, so just click through to the link, click "Look Inside" and enter "snow" in the search box. It's on page 105.) 

The Poetry Friday round up today is at Mainely Write

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*Ramona is cursed to have me for a mom. She is so crafty and artistic, so busy creating something new all the time, that it's hard to believe she is my flesh and blood. But I remember those nine months of carrying her, so I'm quite sure she's mine, and that makes her the living proof (one of three incredible living proofs) that I, too, can create something extraordinary.

Sunday, January 05, 2014

Some Eliot for the Feast of the Epiphany

(This just might be -- I'm not saying it is, but it could be -- a five-year-old post that is just as applicable today as it was in January of 2009 as we crept toward the Feast of the Epiphany.) 

Sometimes, on a Thursday night, I plop down on the couch, look at Atticus and ask, "What do I want to post for Poetry Friday tomorrow?"

He always has an erudite reply and an intriguing suggestion. He's an intelligent, fascinating man. I used to fancy myself equally intelligent and fascinating (we-e-elll, maybe not equally but close enough to hold my own in a good poetry discussion), and I considered us a perfect match. Several years back, I could keep up with all of his Wallace Stevens talk. Then I had children and for a few years, when sleep was so elusive, my mind started to slip. "The Emperor of Ice Cream" began to sound more like a character on the Disney channel than existential observation.

Anyway, in answer to the learned suggestions of Atticus, I usually stare into space a moment, take a sip of cabernet and say something like, "I think I'll write a poem about Putty," or "I'll just do Billy Collins again."

These exchanges remind me of a scene from Annie Hall in which Woody Allen and Diane Keaton are in a bookstore, and he says, "Here, I think you should read these, uh, instead of that cat book."

So, in order not to read a cat book today (though I must add the disclaimer that my beloved Billy Collins is not a cat book -- the metaphor refers only to my state of mind and has nothing to do with his poetry, which I much adore, and it is equally removed from cats, creatures I like very much), I am posting Atticus's suggestion: Journey of the Magi, by T.S. Eliot.

At first I groaned, "Ohhh, Eliot ... I don't know if I have the energy for Eliot." But then, I asked myself, "When did you last read Journey of the Magi?" And I had to honestly answer myself, "I don't know. It may have been several Emperors of Ice Cream ago." So, I read it. And, as always happens, I was mesmerized. How does he do that? How did he carry around the reputation of being too scholarly and too philosophical to write poetry, and then do that? It's so good, such a perfect melding of earthly earthiness and the supernatural. Like Jesus Himself, really. Eliot captures that down-to-your-bones discomfort, the squirming and the revelation, the discovery that this isn't really my home. That knowledge which at first is both comforting and terrifying.

Go here, to the Poetry Foundation, to read more about Eliot.

Journey of the Magi
by T.S. Eliot

'A cold coming we had of it,
Just the worst time of the year

For a journey, and such a long journey:
The ways deep and the weather sharp,
The very dead of winter.'
And the camels galled, sorefooted, refractory,
Lying down in the melting snow.
There were times we regretted
The summer palaces on slopes, the terraces,

...

All this was a long time ago, I remember,
And I would do it again, but set down
This set down
This: were we led all that way for
Birth or Death? There was a Birth, certainly,
We had evidence and no doubt. I had seen birth and death,
But had thought they were different; this Birth was

Hard and bitter agony for us, like Death, our death.
We returned to our places, these Kingdoms,
But no longer at ease here, in the old dispensation,
With an alien people clutching their gods.
I should be glad of another death.

...

The full text of the poem is here, where you can also hear Eliot read it.

Thursday, January 02, 2014

A Gingerbread Tardis and 221-B (Gingerbread) Baker Street

Ah, the evolution of the gingerbread house in the Edmisten house.

It went something like this:

When Anne-with-an-e and Betsy were little girls, Santa always left gingerbread house kits under the tree for them. We built and decorated the houses sometime during the Twelve Days of Christmas. With kits come great advantages for someone like me (someone who has had to grow into the role of craftiness ... I still don't embrace it naturally, but I usually end up happy that we did whatever we did.) Kits have all the pieces you need, and they are already baked. Kits have royal icing mix, and kits come with candy, ready to be slapped on a roof. Kits are convenient.

Kits were The-Only-Way-to-Go for several years, but then a few years back, a friend suggested that we try making gingerbread houses together, from scratch. I was terrified, but I tried it (and I think I coined a new phrase in the process -- Gingerbread Back.) But a new gingerbread era was ushered in, and we haven't looked back. (Though I sometimes gaze longingly at the kits in the store....)

One thing, however, has changed in the last few years. When Anne-with-an-e and Betsy were but wee little girls, a charming gingerbread cottage was all one needed. Ramona's still fine with a charming cottage (her house this year was decorated as a candy store), but Betsy had a Tardis in mind, and Anne-with-an-e (BBC-Sherlock fan extraordinaire) was thinking 221B Baker Street.

First there was the graham cracker prototype:


Then came the first stages of the homemade houses: 


And, the finished products....

The Tardis: 


221B Baker Street (Sherlock's scarf and John's sweater made appearances, and -- though you can't see him very well from this angle -- Moriarty is peeking around the corner from the back of the building): 


And Ramona's Candy Store (she threatened to request Hogwarts, but in the end, she really, really wanted a candy store):


Thus we close the book on this year's gingerbread chapter. The End. Until next year. 

Wednesday, January 01, 2014

On the Eighth Day of Christmas, I Remembered My Poor Blog (Or, Bits and Pieces of Our Christmas Days)

I am still here. I haven't expired from the sugar highs (though it was a close call one day.)

Some snapshots of our days....

Ramona has been heavily engrossed in making things for her dolls. On this day, Kirsten and Rebecca were at the downtown Christmas tree lighting festival:




Of course there was St. Lucia bread on December 13th, and of course there will be more within the next week: 



This is my new favorite mug, courtesy of my girls: 

(I got two other new favorite mugs, too. Thank you, Magical Mrs. M. and Andrea!)

Ramona made what is classically known as a haul: 


Rebecca helped us ring in the new year last night: 


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And tomorrow, I'll be back with pictures of the Gingerbread Tardis....